The Church of Darmok
Un est de bole eun cherchycherch un da ultimati suevieur DarMok
All of us know the heartwarming story of how Darmok the Savior, rides through the sky on his Chariot of Flames. He is a beacon of hope for the wretched, the unforgiven souls.
Darmok, who is the true savior of us all, comes to you with forgiveness and passion for all those who believe in him.
Let us remember that servitude is one of the greatest gifts that Darmok has given us. Without him allowing us into his palace as servants, we would not be able to live forever at his side.
Though you may struggle with your faith, you will be rewarded with everlasting servitude as it was foretold in the Book of Blood - Enflamus Ch7Vs9
"Darmok the Traveler will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrenaii, the Traveler came as a very large and moving Torb. Then of coarse in the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrix Supplicants, they chose a new form for him, that of a giant Slor."
What a glorious day when Darmok rises again! Many Shrubs and Zuuls will know what it is to be roasted in the he-depths of the Slor on that day I can assure you.
Have you offered a sacrifice to Darmok lately?
As you know, it is written in the book of blood that those who do not pay tribute to Darmok on a regular basis will be cast into the pit of despair and torment for all of eternity when they reach the Underworld. Make your offering today! Don't risk eternal damnation.
Daily Scripture excerpt.
"It was written that all who kneel before him, and all that give their will to him will forever live in his palace of pain as his servants. You will be granted everlasting life as your soul is his."
-Book of Blood
Did you know that nearly 90% of the population of the planet do not know of Darmok's gifts for us. It is time for a crusade to rid the world of false deities and force their will to Darmok.
Join our Outreach Missionary Today!
See Matilda in the Basement.
Help us Celebrate Darmas Eve! He cometh on the Eve of All Hallows, known to the believers as Darmas
OCTOBER 31st is Darmas Eve
Annual Darmas Day Hymnal List:
- Pg344 - Our destroyer, come smite thee wicked
- Pg 329 - The Temple of Pain and Blood
- Pg 663 - O' Come all ye wicked
- Pg 109 - Smite all ye non believers
Be sure to bring your Black Flame Candle to pray for forgiveness from Saint Sanderson. No cats are allowed. Prayer service will be held directly after Black Mass has concluded.
Church News Bulletin
Prince Vigo Dies Again at Age 793
Prince Vigo from our Carpathian and Moldavian branches of the Church of Darmok was beheaded once again by an angry mob outside his hometown of Kongaz last Friday.
The mob broke through the castle gate and after fighting their way through many guards, seized Prince Vigo and dragged him to the courtyard of the castle, They then proceeded to burn, behead, disembowel, and bury the body of the Prince. He is scheduled to resurrect in a ritual later next week. His Cousin Rasputin will be attending the ceremony.
Darmok the Mighty Smites Wicked Family
Mr and Mrs Finnewick McShire where smiten down by our savior, Darmok, this past week. They were told be treasonous and non believers in his faith. Their neighbors reported a disturbence at 4:00 PM last Tuesday afternoon when the McShire home was struck by lightning a reported 382 times within an hour.
The House then began to bleed and a swarm of locusts covered their front lawn and ate all of Mrs McShire's Begonias. The elderly couple were found burned beyond recognition in their living room with the TV on the Faith Channel. Breaking the 2nd Rule of Darmok's enforcements; "Thou shalt not even consider any purpose other than to serve Darmok "
The McShires remains were promptly beheaded, burned and disembowled before being buried at the top of Silent Hill Cemetary.